Holidays = Time Sink

Regarding the French Fries issue. Though I do not have to deal with girlfriends, I still have had to deal with other females in my life. They're all the same really. They always steal your fries, even though they specifically said they did not want any when you were ordering. I feel the same way as Art when it comes to my fries... They're all mine! And I do not want anyone touching them! Isn't it strange how a feeling of dissatisfaction lingers on for hours after your meal when you know that you didn't get to eat a full portion of fries? For me, it's as if that one missing fry leaves a black hole open in my stomach. Like a gaping void that yearns to be filled, and boy... how I yearn to be filled in oh so many different w ays... But, anyway... yes, my sister likes to steal my fries, so does my mother, and girl friends (please take note: "girl friends" not "girlfriends!"). Women must learn, if they desire to eat even one fry... they need to fucking learn to order their own portion already! Order a small portion for Christ's sake, and don't worry, it won't go to waste cause we'll eat your left overs too!





Now onwards we go to another topic: Holidays.



Yes it's the day after Christmas, so I must say something regarding my holiday so far. Christmas weekend was a three day affair for my family. Saturday all of my father's relatives who had come from far to spend Christmas here were also united to celebrate a five-man birthday on Saturday. My grandfather, my father, and four of my uncles, all have birthdays in December. We spent the night eating and drinking and talking in the party room one of my aunts reserved at her apartment complex she lives in. Really not very exciting, I suppose the most exciting things that happened all night involved my cousin taking a picture of his penis on his digital camera and having everyone take a look and my other cousin showing off her new boobs to the entire family and inviting them to cop a feel. The next day we spent the entire evening, late into the night at my grandfather's house doing pretty the same as the night before, except for much longer and with much more food. We also all spent lots of time checking out the pictures from the previous day and earlier that evening as a group while collectively cheering or jeering and making dirty comments regarding each other. The event did feel drawn out towards the end of the night, but hey, at least I got kisses from each of my cousins' cute boyfriends, that's worth it. Waking up somewhat early the next morning after going to sleep at 5am was quite difficult, but we had to go back there to have lunch (yeay for leftovers?) with whomever was still around from the past few days. That pretty much sums it up!





As for FFXI, I really haven't had much time to play this past weekend. The last time I did play I lost out on the Beaucedine AF I was prioritized and next in line for because I had just teleported out with the NM pop group to re-enter dynamis, and I didn't make it back in time to the entrance by like 30 seconds (though it would probably had taken another 30 to get dynamis to load in after entering). Sooo.... meh. FFXI has been sucking cause there have been no cute boys flirting with me on it lately :(



I did manage to get my Excalibur from the Upper Level of the Great Crystal dungeon in FFXII though! God that was a bitch, I managed to leave and save the game, but once again I haven't had time to touch it in a couple of days.



Nothing much else to say for now. Hopefully Art will enlighten us about Antor's gay dog soon, cause I want to hear this story!

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Where did the fries go and why do I hate the holidays?

Now, welcome me back to writing! Finals are over and I'm proud to say I am maintaining a 4.0 GPA. Gloating aside, I am back because Xan just won't let me not write something... grrrr. Oh, and I also like writing this blog. It's fun! The point of today's story is relatable by any straight guy. I'm sorry, Xantrailles, you can skip down a few paragraphs!

Dating women for a while has brought a question to my mind. Why are women so indecisive? and WHY DO THEY TAKE MY FRIES? Have you ever been at a fast food place grabbing something to eat, and you are with your woman of course. You let her order first, being a gentleman and all. She of course orders just a sandwich. You offer her a full "happy meal" (I'm sure Xan has some gay innuendo here) with drink and fries, but she of course refuses. You being like any normal man, order yourself a pound sized burger as well as extra large fries. Once you get to your table, what's the first thing that happens? The girl reaches over to your fries and takes a few than sips on your soda. WOAH ... what just happened there? Women need to learn something... a man's food is a man's food! We take it seriously!

I mean I don't mind sharing my food with the girl, but she said she didn't want any! I think women just want to feel that their boyfriend is willing to share some so precious to him, such as his fries. Speaking of sharing something, ask Xan about his date and the shared dessert.

By the way... Holidays are a bitch... I really don't have much time to write these few weeks, so I think the best way would be to write short articles every few days. Tomorrow I will write about Antor's gay dog. That's right I said it. His family gayed up the dog while he was gone in college.

Peace out!

I'm Not Doing Dishes Right Now

Must Art talk of flatulence? To me that's only topic that's ever taboo. As most you know, I'm pretty comfortable talking about pretty much anything. It really doesn't bother me. Well, you know what. I lie. Vaginas are very much taboo. So I guess there's only two things I don't like to talk about. In fact, just the other day I was telling Art of my idea for a "gay basket." What's that you ask?! Well let me first explain where the idea came from.

Here in Brazil people shopping for groceries will often order or receive (from the government I suppose) a package with all the products most commonly used in Brazilian cooking. Just the most basic stuff they can't do without. They call it a "basic basket." I know, it sounds horrible in English. I'd rather handpick every single item I'm buying when shopping for food personally. But, what a great idea it would be if you could order "gay baskets,' and have those delivered monthly. In it, I would include a bottle of good anal lube, some condoms, massage oil, sexy revealing underwear, a dildo, a newly released porn DVD, a music CD with good music to fuck to, and an anal douching kit. Just the basic needs of an active homosexual, as I explained to Artie. I didn't think he quite understood the need for the anal douching kit. I know he didn't actually, since he inquired as to why that is important. I shamelessly proceeded to explain why this is a basic need to him... and well...

Harassing men is fun! But is it really harassment when they're enjoying it this much? I could totally feel Artie's boner here when I was groping him. Not to mention that not wearing any clothes around me like that is simply begging for it. Art's not the only one who secretly enjoys manlove. Just look at Mr. Bahamnut here. We quite enjoy cuddling like this. We do it all the time! I've been told to watch it with this one though. He's jailbait. Damn these young'uns.

I've also recently been talking quite a lot of how I wish my dentist would probe my mouth with his penis when he examines me. Yeah he's sexy. Today I saw yet another dentist at the same office.... and damn... he is a cutie too! He puts a smile on my face. It's kind of hard to smile after a root canal though as you can see here. I can't feel my face :( I must say though, my crooked smile is slightly mysterious and sexy now that I look at it myself. Ok, not really :( Unfortunately I'm too pussy to take a picture of my dentists as someone asked me too. Just take my word for it. I definitely would recommend them!

Is timing everything?

Most people would agree that timing in this world is everything. For example, it would have been a smart idea to get posts up each day after the Blog's release to get more viewers. The thing is though I had finals and Xan is busy washing dishes (he sucks at coming with excuses for why he doesn't post, huh?). I did fail one exam and did well on the other. I still have two exams tomorrow and the day after. I'm looking forward to all the fun I'm going to have. Hehe ^-^' Okay, cute gayness aside, why is timing important? Consider this.

At quick glance, and after you finish laughing, I bet you are automatically assuming that kis wants Xan to like him in a special way (I think Lil' John described this love the best and I quote "Bend down to the floo' and touch yo toes"). Well the truth is, Kis isn't gay (sorry Xan :(...) He just had very bad timing. And timing is everything. If only he typed this 5 seconds later, it would not be so creepy and funny. Let's take a look at what sparked this two liner.

Click on the image and it will pop up with a zoomed-in version. Just to quickly note, chicks do like fat and chubby guys. You can also be completely ugly and the sexiest girl will fall in love with you. Smooth tongue is everything you need~ (Yes, I'm quite aware that can be taken more than one way.) BUT! On that another day. Back to timing.

As you can see, Kis was replying to what I said about girls liking fat guys, not that Xan likes chubby guys, but his time was horrible. I am a victim of bad timing myself as can be seen here.


My first thought... "OH GOD BUSTED???" And then I realized I don't live near either one of them and I'm not gay. It just happened by luck that Baham and I both went to shower after a Nidhogg and Xan took a chance to score some gay points! (I'm thinking of starting a counter of gay points and straight points... to see which one of us is more straight, what do you guys think?)

Timing is not only important in video games. It's quite crucial in real life too. For example, attempting to sneeze while holding a fart in inside a crowded area. It does not work, trust me. If you sneeze, muscles in your body will quickly relax and contract. This in turn will make a loud stinker that everyone can pinpoint on you. This relaxation and contraction of your muscles while sneeze brings me to another point... You can't pee and sneeze at the same time. Your brain won't let you. It's one or the other, you have to make a choice. I personally always go with pissing, because well once you get going, it's hard to stop. Fuck sneezing, it can wait.

Timing is quite clearly, everything. With proper timing you can get anything in this world girls, nice cars, big HDTV, and a pay raise. I mean really, what else does a guy need?

I really wanted to finish this blog off with a nice video of how women have horrible timing. A few years ago in Portugal, a FIFA commercial aired where the guy was watching FIFA and wife kept trying to get him to have sex, but he was concentrating on FIFA World Cup. Eventually she just ended up getting a dildo and going upstairs. The screen read something along the lines "Nothing can get in the way of the World Cup." That was a great commercial playing on timing, I wish I could find it:(

Oh well, sorry for this particular post being a little short, but I have to study for finals! I will post more funny content after this week is over!

Are you serious?

Yes. Yes, we are. Welcome to our brand new blog! I know the first thing going through your mind... is this a coming out party??? No, it's not. It is just a chronicle of two friends: one straight(me!) and one gay (xan!). I suppose the title can be misleading, but that's where the whole fun comes in. If you aren't willing to write on the edge, there is no reason to write at all.

Well, getting past that. I see you are still with us. I bet you are just a little curious. Well before we dwell into anymore comical antiques of myself and my friend, I'd like to make a small introduction about us. I think knowing a little background behind us will make you find this content a whole lot more hilarious. I gotta say this, if you keep reading, do so at your own risk (and I know you want to keep reading). We are not exactly the kind to hold our tongues back, so if you are feeling a little nauseous... well keep reading anyways. It will be fun!

Let me open up with a little introduction about myself through my own eyes (maybe Xan can tell you about me through his eyes at a later time!). Well I am from the Deep South. That's right, I grew up among Rednecks. Sounds scary? No.. I call it interesting. You learn interesting skills from a good Redneck. How to put monster truck tires on your Bronco (I bet you thought noone drove those anymore), how to wield double barrel shot gun, and of course most of all.. you learn how to impregnate your sister. Woah, totally kidding, you don't learn that from observing Rednecks. Those kind of skills are only passed from father to son within the family. Oh, I forgot to mention, I wasn't born here. I moved here when I was finishing 5th grade... from Europe (damn commies :(... I'll have to write up about my life before Rednecks in another post). Let me tell you... when you live along rednecks, you pick some of their habits. For one, my favorite clothing selection is a pair of jeans and a white shirt (although I can dress up real snazzy). Also, I can't live without saying "ain't." I do it all the time, I don't know why. I suppose, it's just a habit. Well I don't want to tell you too much about my life right off the bat. Gotta save some for future stories! Though... I think I should get into what you guys know me for... FFXI

I go by Artem in game as you all know. I have Warrior 75, Ninja 75, and Bard 75 with pretty much every subjob. Currently working on RNG(51 with 2/5 AF2), BST(56), SAM(42 with 3/5 AF2!), and my current passion... RDM(6.. just 6). Some pictures of my WAR and BRD... don't have any of ninja at the moment, but I will be sure to get more. Anyhow, I have been playing since the release of NA game 4 years ago. I started with my best friend Antor. Who is probably takes the most attention in his gear than any other person I've known in-game. I was originally dragged into the game by none other than Elemmire. I'm sure you've heard about Elemmire here. Before we started FFXI, three of us ran a friendly game making website.

Eventually that lost my vision as the original creator and it drifted away out of my hands into others. I passed that on and moved on to FFXI! Fast forward almost two years, and that's when Xan and I met. I was a homophobe, I was creeped out by him hitting on me. Soon, however, I learned to take it as a joke like he means it and we became good friends. We do all kinds of stuff in-game anything from killing HNMs to doing ENMs to just plain dieing together (/slashwrist & que Evanescence). I am currently in Kaizen and have been for about a year. I love it, it's a great place, we have lots of fun. Before that I was in Valkyrs, it was a great shell but I left due to bias within the leadership and que system. Gotta give my props to Hyre, he is the reason I stayed in the shell as long as I did. Great guy, he is one of the nicest people I've met. If you see him in game, give a good /bow for me :D

Well more on me later... let's talk about Xan

Xan... well he likes men (atleast how I see it...) but some things tell me otherwise.

I think I'll let him post more about himself when he wakes up! For now... peace out?




XAN NINJA EDIT:

Artem logging onto my character and saying such blasphemous things as that pictured in the screenshot, in LS chat, does not a straightie out of Xan make.

Since this is an introduction post, I should probably show that there's more to Xan than buttsecks. OR IS THERE?! Actually... there's like... no buttsecks. Artem has continually refused to provide. What a selfish mofo! Then he wonders why I'm in a rotten mood when it's clearly his fault for not giving it up already. But, don't worry Artie. I still love you, even without buttsecks.

Unlike Art, I was not raised in the deep south amongst the redneck hordes (not that I have anything really against them! Look at Art!). I lived most of my life in NJ. It is a place where incest is not a birthright. Which is too bad. Cause incest is my most favoritest genre of gay porn!

I was also not born in the US though. Like Art, I came from abroad in the fifth grade. Except that I came from Brazil , not Europe. So yes--I'm South American trash, and I've just recently returned to Brazil; land of sexy, bootilicious, bikini-waxed babes that I do not care to check out.

The guys can get pretty sexy too though... and as added bonus... brazilians are HUNG! Really, we are! Just ask Artem.

As you probably know. I am Xantrailles on the Quetzelcoatl server of FFXI (did I spell that server name correctly?), the gayest bard in VanaDiel. I hardly ever play bard now a days though. I guess I've passed the flaming gay torch on (/sea all Meastoso). I seem to mostly play WHM, but you can occasionally see me as any of my other 75 jobs (BRD WHM BLM SMN RDM).

I've also been playing since the NA release of FFXI for the PC. I started playing this game because I had been a Final Fantasy fanboy every since FFVII on the Playstation. That had been my second RPG game ever. After that I was hooked. I had never played an MMORPG before. Since this was a Final Fantasy game though, I simply had to try it out.

I pretty much stuck to all the linkshells I had ever been in for a long time except for one, but that's because most of that LS spoke Japanese and I couldn't stand not understanding what was said. Around the late level 50s I started joining parties with an old friend from my first LS (Silverblood) and eventually got invited to join their mostly static party permanently.

Quite soon after that, I met Nasya through them who has big plans to start an NA-based HNM LS. Though only a handful of the original members remain, as many have moved on from this game, we are still around and known as Kaizen.

I don't remember where exactly I met Artem. I supposed it must have been in our dynamis LS. He was a total gay-hater though, as he pointed out. I thought it was a shame that such a cutie not be down with the ways of manlove. I had to sweet-talk him quite a bit before he "warmed" up t

o me. My efforts eventually paid off. I guess he could say I grew on him, and he has no idea just how much I (it) grew. Well, I'm sure he's felt it rub up against him at one point or another :D

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